Handling Conflicts in Friendships, Relationships & Marriages
What is Conflict?
It’s important that we first know what conflict is.
Below is the dictionary definition of conflict:
“Serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one”.
Synonyms: dispute, quarrel, squabble, disagreement, a difference of opinion, dissension; discord, friction, strife, antagonism, antipathy, ill will, bad blood, hostility, falling-out, disputation, contention; clash, altercation, shouting match, exchange, war of words; tussle, fracas, affray, wrangle, tangle, the passage of/at arms, battle royal, feud, schism.
If you check the above definition, you will realize that none of us can avoid conflict in our relationships, any kind of relationship actually, marriage only happens to be one of the relationships that predispose us more to it because of the depth of emotions involved and the proximity.
The only thing is that the extent and depth with which it will go will now depend on the individuals involved and their conflict resolution techniques.
What do I mean? Look at that definition, disagreement, differences in opinion, friction and exchange of words are also part of the conflict.
So, let’s face it, if you tell me your marriage has no conflict whatsoever, it only tells me that you have a very unhealthy relationship and a dangerous one too.
Because it’s either it’s a situation of a “Hitler/Jew” relationship wherein we have a tyrant and his or her captive thereby a graveyard silence and pseudo-peace has been achieved or the marriage has entered the most dangerous mode called “Indifference Avenue”.
You see, hatred is not the opposite of love, when you say you hate someone, it means feelings and passions are still present, and with proper stimuli, it can turn to love again.
The real opposite of love is indifference, i.e. the person stops being in existence in your perception; he or she has no power to elicit any form of response from you, that’s the real opposite of love.
Therefore, if the case is not any of the above, there will always be one form of conflict in your relationship or another.
So don’t feel like a failure or feel bad when you hear online or at meetings statements like, we never disagree quarrel etc, it’s actually not true, what they actually mean is that they don’t have certain kinds of disagreements or conflicts.
These other kinds are the others also enumerated there which include, dissensions, discords, strife, violence, malice, falling out etc.
These levels are reached based on the individuals involved, their maturity level and their conflict resolution techniques.
Let me stop here for today, I would like you to think about what we have discussed so far, and do an audit of your relationships and how you are handling any conflict or friction that occurs.
See you all next week as we take this discourse to another level.
Adetutu Osofowora popularly known as “Coach Tusky” is a teacher of God’s word and a Relationship and Marriage Coach who teaches and speaks on relationships, homes and women issues, a counsellor with over 2 decades of experience and the president of the Relationship Building Block Organisation as well as the convener of the Relationship Building Block Conferences, a yearly program for both singles, married and counsellors. She is the author of the widely acclaimed book on conjugal love, Bedmatics. Adetutu Osofowora is a leader at the HarvestHouse Christian Center, HCC, under the spiritual covering of her pastor and father, Reverend Gbeminiyi Eboda. She is happily married to Dr Abiodun Osofowora, her husband of 24 years and their union is blessed with 3 lovely children.
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