“I love you” is an expression often used by people in a relationship.
However, there is more to just saying “I love you”.
Watch and listen to this Award Winning love programme, Heart to Heart, by Soulman on the Radio, ‘Dayo Adenuga, via Facebook and YouTube for better understanding.
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Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
All Souls’ Church, Bodija Ibadan, venue of the wedding service for Morenike Oluwafayokemi Ayeni, daughter of Professor Bola and Evangelist Mabel Ayeni and Adetayo Joseph Adejugbe, son of the Ewi of Ado- Ekiti, Oba Rufus Adejugbe and Olori Abosede Adejugbe was filled to capacity with family members, friends, well-wishers as well as eminent personalities who were all beautifully dressed for the occasion.
The couple who held on tightly to each other just like the proverbial Romeo and Juliet alongside their family members could not hide their joy when they were officially pronounced husband and wife before the congregation.
In his sermon, Bishop of the Diocese of Ogbomoso, Church of Nigeria, Anglican Communion, The Right Reverend Titus Olayinka said marriage was an institution ordained by God which demands that couples live together in peace and harmony.
The Right Reverend Olayinka enjoined the newly wedded couple to allow the word of God to be their guide, urging them not to allow third party influence in their marriage.
In an interview, the husband, Joseph and his wife Morenike Adejugbe appreciated God for making their dreams come true.
Speaking on behalf of both parents, the Groom’s mother, Olori Abosede Adejugbe who was full of excitement advised the couple to be best of friends and be tolerant of each other.
Chairman on the occasion, who is the Governor of Ekiti State, Mr Abiodun Oyebanji enjoined the couple to be prayerful and support one another.
The occasion which featured cultural dance.and cutting of the wedding cake had in attendance dignitaries including, Ooni of Ife, Oba Enitan Ogunwusi, wife of Former Ekiti state Governor, Erelu Bisi Fayemi, Former Governor of Ogun state Senator Ibikunle Amosu as well as members of the Ekiti State traditional council.
Blessing Adesanya
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Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
He is the World’s best physicist.
He manufactures drones for the most powerful army in the world, the United States Army.
He has four Master’s degrees and four Doctorate degrees while currently working on his fifth and sixth Master’s degrees in software engineering at Regis University and Information Systems at the Keller Graduate School of Management.
He resides in Texas, USA.
Interestingly, he is an Edo man and a former lecturer at the College of Education, Ekiadolor.
This great achiever is Nigerian-born Osatohanmwen Osemwengie.
One cannot but put on the spotlight, the unacknowledged success story of many Africans around the world who are excelling and contributing immensely to global village development.
Dr Osatohanmwen Osemwengie is one goldfish that has no hiding place. He shines brilliantly with laurels of undisputed achievements.
Prior to his trip to the United States in 1982, Dr Osemwengie served as an administrator of the College of Education, Benin City and was recognized as their Educator of the year for securing funding used to design and implement pre-service teacher education programs.
Osato Osemwengie is the founder of Open Robotics University; a tuition-free engineering degree-granting university that allows people to further exercise their talents and expand their knowledge in all fields related to engineering.
Dayo Adu/Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
Loving is giving. But you can say No! when you don’t have.
Watch & listen to Heart to heart with Dayo Adenuga as he throws more light on this and other vital issues in relationship.
Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
Wife to be has two kids from a previous relationship but did not tell the husband to be, the wedding is only a few minutes away.
What would you do advice, and as a man in this circumstance, what will you do?
Join ‘Dayo Adenuga tonight, Wednesday 16th November on Heart to Heart, a love and relationship program on Facebook Premier fm93.5 and Radio on Premier FM 93.5. Time 9.30 pm. Don’t miss it!
Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
Watch and listen to Heart to heart with Dayo Adenuga…… Frank talk.
Why will COUPLES live together yet separated?
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Join us.
It is an established fact that there is true love between a man and a woman, but can there really be true love in a relationship of multiple partners?
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Olaolu Fawole
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Love is a beautiful thing and most times, people go extra miles for their partners to prove how committed they are in the relationships.
However, it becomes weird when unwanted situations come up and the two love birds are thinking of ways to stop loving their Partners or Spouses.
Click the link below to watch this week’s episode of Heart to Heart with Dayo Adenuga, a relationship programme on Premier FM 93.5.
Olaolu Fawole
Sometimes ago at a conference on ‘Mother Tongue’, held in Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria, a language scholar expressed displeasure at a statement he once heard from someone to a child, and the statement was, “If you speak Yoruba, you will go to hell”.
One can easily conclude the kind of picture the statement had painted on the mind of that child, knowing fully well the indelible imprints words can leave on children.
It is not strange to see many parents today raise children, who cannot communicate in their native tongues while their parents can.
These children could understand the language but cannot speak the same.
There are also parents who categorically plead with relatives, friends or visitors not to communicate with their children in the native tongue.
In fact, some homes have this inscription on the door post of their children’s rooms, “Vernacular speaking is prohibited”.
Is it not shocking that some children have been seriously scolded and in some cases canned just for speaking in their native language?
This is the trend and disposition of some parents in modern society to the highly cherished, valuable and crucial aspect of human development – language.
But for the government which made the learning of the mother language compulsory in the curriculum, the major native languages would perhaps have gone into extinction.
Interestingly, the much-sidelined mother tongue is now the toast of the Western world with some foreigners including Americans enrolling in some Nigerian Universities to study local languages and culture.
One could vividly recall that the first Nigerian Professor of Education and Nigeria’s Minister of Education between 1990 and 1992, the late Babatunde Fafunwa posited, “The original thinking of a man is in his native tongue”.
Professor Fafunwa was of the opinion that, primary school children were better off when taught in their indigenous languages, a position revalidated by the United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organisation, UNESCO.
Suffice to note that several nations of the world including China, Japan, France and Tanzania have adopted one of their nation’s indigenous languages as the national language and adopted it for classroom use.
Without mincing words, this is real food for thought for parents who are discouraging their children from speaking their mother tongue.
Discouraging a child from communicating in his native language will not only rob the child of his identity but also deny him the opportunity to enjoy adequate mental coordination, going by the submission of the late Babatunde Fafunwa.
Such an act is also capable of making a child see his language as inferior to others while he is already restricted in the language of communication.
Another sad consequence is the disconnect such trend would create between the older and younger generation, for many children now find it hard to communicate with their grandparents.
Ironically, the grandparents never raised their own children (the supposed parents of the children in question) in that manner.
The learning process may also be impaired as the child is unconsciously made to struggle cognitively in terms of reasoning, interpreting, speaking and relating with others in the native tongue.
Out of ignorance, parents who are guilty of this believe making a child communicate regularly in his mother tongue, would deprive him of speaking fluently in the English Language.
However, the likes of Nobel Laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka, Custodians of Culture and notable authors including the late Professor Wande Abimbola, Akinwumi Isola, Adebayo Faleti, Daniel Orowole Fagunwa, popularly known as D. O Fagunwa, Kola Akinlade, Zulu Sofola, among other highly revered Nigerians have all proven this notion wrong by their mastery of both Yoruba and English Languages as well as their fluency in speaking same.
Experts have also blamed the little or no regard for mother tongue as contributory to the decline in moral standard of the society, for character is believed to be rooted in the language of birth.
This invariably also has an effect on the concept of Omoluabi, a summation of the Yoruba moral code of courage, hard work, humility and respect.
If this trend will change, then charity must begin at home.
It is therefore high time parents, guardians and cultural advocates picked the gauntlet, with particular emphasis on parents to change the narrative by teaching and encouraging their children to communicate in their native tongue, not only at home but outside the home to build confidence in them and ability to interact well with others.
Parents must make their children realize that their language is not in any way inferior to other languages, but rather a comparative advantage.
This must be promptly addressed to save the nation’s indigenous languages from going into extinction and prevent a situation where foreigners, who are currently learning the languages, would be the ones to be training real owners in the nearest future.
Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
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Do you agree that women are mostly moved by what they hear and men by what they see?
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Laolu Fawole/Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
Its generally believed that in a relationship, women are mostly moved by what they hear and men by what they see.
Find out more as you tune in tonight, Wednesday, 28th September at 9:30 pm to Premier 93.5fm, to ‘Heart to Heart’, a love and relationship program with ‘dayo Adenuga.
Watch & listen live on Facebook @premier fm93.5. or listen online on radio garden. Don’t miss it.
Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
I love you can’t grow your relationship, Attention will!.
Find in this video reasons a teenager committed suicide.
These and more captured during Wednesday’s, Edition of Heart to Heart on Premier FM 93.5
Watch the video from the link below.
Olaolu Fawole/Olaitan Oyè-Adeitan
Issues on the menu tonight
These are the issues to discuss on “Heart to Heart”.
Join Dayo Adenuga, on Premier 93.5FM Ibadan by 9:30pm tonight.
You can listen via Facebook @Premierfm935.
Don’t miss it.
Maxwell Oyekunle
Can you hear the beats?
Can you interpret the sounds?
Can you quench the flame?
Let’s talk about love as you join Dayo Adenuga on Heart to Heart, tonight, Wednesday, on Premier 93.5FM.
The time is 9:30 pm
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Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
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We have been talking about conflict resolution in relationships and marriages, its resolution and everything related in the past two weeks and we will be concluding it all today.
Although, what we have discussed so far is not all that is to know about handling conflicts as knowledge is progressive, but it serves as a base or foundation for becoming knowledgeable about handling such issues.
So, let’s get into the discourse for the day.
For me, conflict resolution in marriage should not start after marriage; it’s supposed to start before marriage.
Couples should have developed good resolution techniques before marrying at all or should not marry if they haven’t.
This is why when I do premarital counselling, I always ask if they’ve ever had a serious disagreement and how they resolved it, if they say never, I tell them to cancel the wedding, go and fight first, settle it, then come back to me.
This is because it takes maturity to settle conflicts amicably and marriage is not for babies, you give babies food not marriage.
Nevertheless, these are some of the things to note when resolving conflicts.
1. PERCEPTION: Perception determines how we react to any stimuli.
It’s important that we accept in our minds that even when our spouses do what annoys or pains us, it’s often not deliberate.
It’s very rare (except if you are married to Lucifer’s deputy) for your spouse to sit down and intentionally start cooking plans to make you miserable.
(It happens, but, we all know that in such a case, the problem is not the conflict, the problem is that you were blind enough to marry a monster).
So, if we accept that he/she did not set out to harm me, your response will be controlled and resolution easier.
You will not be reacting, you will be responding.
2. UNDERSTAND THAT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO: So anytime there’s conflict, accept that you also are to blame, you have your contribution too.
This will help you to point fingers less and take responsibility.
Conflict is not about him or her, it’s about US.
3. TRY TO ADDRESS ISSUES AND NOT PERSONS: This could be so hard because it’s the person you are seeing more clearly so it’s so easy to address the person and not the issue.
For example, there’s a world of difference between the statement:
“Kayode, you seem to take your time in decision making and I’m worried it slows us down” and the statement: “Kayode, you are too slow for my liking, this your slowness is costing this family a lot”.
Words and their usage is of utmost importance in conflict resolution.
Whenever your choice of words is an attack on the person of your partner, they will instinctively raise up a defence, even if they know they are wrong.
This will annoy you the more and this leads to more reactions and more arguments.
People listen more when they don’t feel attacked.
5. OVERLOOK: Before Marriage, love must not be blind, but in marriage, you must blind it sometimes.
What do I mean?
A lot of issues will be resolved if we just overlook some misbehaviours and errors of our partners, especially we the women.
Really it’s not every battle you must fight; you have to decide whether you want to be happy or right.
So, sometimes, just let it go and move on.
Always try to differentiate between variables and fixed factors of life in your marriage.
Many of the things we argue about are sincerely variable factors, their presence or absence does not particularly affect the home, beyond our personal opinions of them.
We sometimes just want to be right and win every argument.
But, please, how much were you and I paid for the last argument we won?
Which international trophy did you receive?
So we need to overlook issues sometimes.
6. COMMUNICATION: This factor is the bedrock of any home.
Communication is different from talking.
The fact that you are creating words doesn’t mean that you are making sense to the listener.
When there is conflict, it’s important that you both communicate together on it in a way that both of you will understand each other.
Don’t bury issues, if you are not okay, let each other know; don’t let it pile up while trying to be a good partner.
Tell him or her how you feel in a courteous way.
And make sure the issue is settled.
7. TIMING: This is so important to resolution.
You need to understand that it’s not every time that each issue must be addressed immediately.
Learn the principle of delayed response and gratification.
Some things happen when people are there, in the car with people, in a roomful of people etc.
That’s not the time to resolve things or when both of you are hot.
Some conflict resolutions are better pushed to a more convenient time.
There are issues you raise at 2 am in the morning, late in the evening or after a pleasant dinner date.
8. THIRD PARTY: I’m a firm believer that no marriage can really work without third parties.
Nothing is wrong with involving 3rd parties; it all depends on who the 3rd party is and how much influence you both allow them.
You must know when some issues are getting beyond your strength and if so, seek help.
This is why I’m a strong advocate for mentors and accountability figures.
In fact, I warn single ladies never to marry a guy who has no mentor or covering, a Rambo that no one in his life can say “sit down there” and he must obey.
Such a man is a car without a brake, he’s on his way to crash and he will take you along.
There are times that to resolve a conflict, you must contact your accountability figures.
This is needed in having difficult conversations.
Imagine a case of a wife who was raped and got pregnant.
9. Now, since 3rd parties too can cause conflict in some homes, we must handle it in this general way: anyone that doesn’t contribute to the progress and unity and peace of your union must be avoided and it’s the owner of the in-law that must deal with them.
Ephesians 5:31, Genesis 2:24 & Psalm 45:10.
It’s not just the man that God said should leave his father and mother, He gave the woman stricter instructions, He asked her to forsake her family.
So, if your family is causing problems for your spouse, it’s your responsibility to defend your partner and get them far away.
10. PRAYERS: Many times, if we pray about issues half as much as we complain or talk about them, there will be less stress.
It’s important that we control the spiritual atmosphere of the home.
Don’t break the edge, if you don’t, the serpent will hardly bite.
11. FORGIVE: You can’t resolve conflicts well if you don’t learn to forgive and move on.
Some of us have issues with forgiving people when they hurt us, especially women.
We have this strange ability to always refer to what he did 5 years ago during a fresh issue, the poor guy for the life of him cannot even remember what you are referring to.
See, ladies should please be less emotional and sentimental.
We must forgive.
12. SEEK HELP: Seek professional help when you realize you don’t know what to do.
Finally, I think it is also important that we gather enough information about each other’s temperaments; it helps to understand why we all act as we do.
13. FINALLY, FINALLY: There are some conflicts that should not be resolved.
If the kind of conflicts that are happening are the ones that are dangerous to life and health and the perpetrator is not willing to seek help.
Don’t try to resolve it.
LEAVE!
Never stay in a toxic environment.
Adetutu Osofowora popularly known as “Coach Tusky” is a teacher of God’s word and a Relationship and Marriage Coach who teaches and speaks on relationships, homes and women issues, a counsellor with over 2 decades of experience and the president of the Relationship Building Block Organisation as well as the convener of the Relationship Building Block Conferences, a yearly program for both singles, married and counsellors.
She is the author of the widely acclaimed book on conjugal love, Bedmatics.
Adetutu Osofowora is a leader at the HarvestHouse Christian Center, HCC, under the spiritual covering of her pastor and father, Reverend Gbeminiyi Eboda.
She is happily married to Dr Abiodun Osofowora, her husband of 24 years and their union is blessed with 3 lovely children.
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Tony is a brilliant and handsome little boy of about six years old. He is dark in complexion and very skinny. His brilliance radiates among his peers in class.
However, whenever he does anything wrong, his teacher is always fast to call him,“ You this tiny mosquito, black like charcoal”. This is usually accompanied by a chorus of laughter from his friends. Not too long,
Tony became withdrawn, and his once shining brilliance began to dim, evident in his academic work.
One cannot also hurriedly forget the case of the bright and beautiful Wura; light-complexioned and very soft-spoken. Wura is in primary three but hardly relates with other classmates.
When her teacher took the time to find out, Wura explained that her parents and siblings always shouted her down whenever she had something to say at home. She told her teacher that she was told a young girl like her had nothing to offer and must always keep shut.
Delight is equally a lovely, plump and cheerful little girl with a tiny voice. She is in primary two, very friendly, and generous but not too good academically.
As a result of her poor academic performance, she is often called names such as ‘dullard, fool for nothing, fatty bombom, olodo. Consequently, she became agitated and was always reluctant to go to school. Even the home which should be a source of encouragement equally echoed the sounds heard in school. Her mother once shouted at her and said, “Can you ever amount to anything in life?
These are just but a few of the experiences of children clubbed by dehumanizing utterances from the lips of parents, teachers, caregivers, relatives and other stakeholders in their lives.
Subjecting a child to constant verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation and humiliation is what is described as emotional or psychological abuse.
When a child is treated this way unchecked, he or she grows up feeling worthless, unloved, lonely or scared.
As a result, the child begins to withdraw, run away from home, lose self-confidence, becomes agitated, and anxious, develops low self-esteem, inferiority complex, prone to depression, suicidal attempts, and eventual death, if the situation is not remedied.
This verbal assault can also in the long run deprive the affected child of the opportunity to fulfil his or her destiny because the hero in him would have been silenced.
Such children might fail to develop basic social and language skills early in life. These signs, experts warn, should not be taken for granted as they may leave a negative impact on the child for the rest of his life.
Therefore, a child that is suffering from emotional abuse must be well attended to and treated to heal on time.
If emotional abuse is severe, the safety of the child is first recommended before treatment so that he can move forward in a healthy way.
A child psychologist may be involved to give the child therapy which would help him or her to trust again.
The child should also be helped to rediscover himself and develop once again, self-esteem to regain self-confidence.
Parents and other stakeholders responsible for child care and development should avoid making negative pronouncements upon these God-given treasures, realizing that they owe it a duty to impact positively, pronounce blessings on them and not curses.
Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
Is it ok to miss your EX?
Listen to Heart to Heart, a love and relationship program with your Soul man, ‘Dayo Adenuga , tonight Wednesday,by 9:30pm.
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Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
Last week we started a discourse on how to “Handle Conflicts In Friendships, Relationships & Marriages”.
As I promised, we will be taking it up a notch today.
Here goes…
Conflict Resolution Amongst Engaged Singles
This is slightly different from that of the married, though so important that it is the factors that have been established at this level that will determine if the conflicts in marriage will be handled well.
Factors Needed For Conflict Resolution Amongst Engaged Singles.
1. What kind of conflict?
Is it a conflict over variables or values?
If it’s a conflict that comes through variable factors like temperament differences, opinions, habits etc, then we can work on them over time with adequate resolution techniques.
But if the conflict comes out of value system clashes, differences in core values and beliefs and principles of life, or perverse character issues like violence, abuse, narcissism, control, insecurity etc.
The wisdom is not to bother to resolve such conflicts.
The best thing is to let the relationship go.
2. Are they both matured spiritually, emotionally and psychologically?
It’s important that both of them are mature individuals, else it will be difficult for them to handle even normal, healthy conflicts.
3. Talk about signs of immaturity.
4. Not all conflicts should be resolved.
Causes of Conflicts in Marriage
There are different causes of conflicts in homes but over the years I’ve come to discover that almost all causes of conflicts in marriages will fall under one of these eight factors.
1. The misconception of Genesis 2:24
The Bible says, “They shall become”, not “are one” (it’s a process, not an event).
It also says they“Will” become one, not become the same (stop trying to change your partner).
Oneness and sameness are not the same things.
A lot of conflicts happen in homes all because we simply want our partners to do things as we do them.
Your method and way of life may indeed be working but it’s not the only way that works.
2. Love and Proximity: The moment you give your heart to someone, you have also given that person the power to hurt you, you are more sensitive to the person so his/her actions will invariably affect you more hence the Yoruba proverb “bi a ba fe ore eni lafeju, ti o ba fi ori gba, ija ni yio da”.
If a casual person hits his head on the wall, I’ll probably go like, oh! Sorry, etc, that’s sympathy, but if it’s someone very close, it’s empathy that I will feel, I will also feel the pain so if I’m not careful I go like, “didn’t you see the wall? Do you want to kill yourself”? And of course, there will be a fight.
Also, you can’t be in close, constant proximity with a person and friction won’t occur. It’s inevitable!
3. Temperament Differences: our different natures determine our responses which of course can cause conflict if not managed.
For example, have you not noticed that even in different forums and groups etc, people express themselves in different ways, which sometimes may lead to misunderstanding etc, and we all respond in different ways too because we are all different.
4. MONEY: Money is one major cause of conflict in homes and it occurs in the following ways.
A. Poor Management of finances by either or both.
B. Lack of trust and transparency.
C. Unclear financial responsibility distribution, whereby it’s not clear who is in charge of what financially.
D. Inability to provide for the family need by the husband or irresponsibility i.e. can provide but refuses to.
E. Low or total lack of financial power.
It takes finance to run a romance so money issues do cause conflict in the home.
5. Sex: Sex is one of the 3 most common reasons for conflict in homes.
Below are the major ways by which sex can cause serious conflict in homes:
A. One or both are not enjoying themselves for various reasons ranging from poor skills to lack of enough information, to emotional instability, to circumcision, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.
B. There’s enjoyment but it has become predictable because one partner is not open to varieties.
C. Excessive demands for sex by one partner and the other is unable to match the demands. Or demands for sex styles that the other finds distasteful or uncomfortable.
6. Immaturity: especially emotional, psychological and spiritual immaturity.
This factor determines your response to stimuli and how you are able to manage contradictions.
7. Third Parties: which includes everyone except you both and God.
We should note that third parties by themselves are not bad; it all depends on the boundaries set by the couples themselves.
A third party is not expected to be able to go beyond the access granted by either or both couples involved.
And there’s only one basic law of third parties.
Couples are not supposed to allow anyone around them whose presence and influence are not contributing to the success and productivity of their union.
When this law is broken, third parties can become a big source of conflict in homes.
8. Spiritual Influences: Indeed, when couples are careless and nonchalant, they can open the door for the enemy and allow him to reign in their homes.
Some conflicts are spiritually engineered and are direct attacks of the enemy.
9. Emotional starvation and complications of old age (Menopause and Andropause)
We kick off from here next week.
See you then…Have a great week ahead!
Adetutu Osofowora popularly known as “Coach Tusky” is a teacher of God’s word and a Relationship and Marriage Coach who teaches and speaks on relationships, homes and women issues, a counsellor with over 2 decades of experience and the president of the Relationship Building Block Organisation as well as the convener of the Relationship Building Block Conferences, a yearly program for both singles, married and counsellors.
She is the author of the widely acclaimed book on conjugal love, Bedmatics.
Adetutu Osofowora is a leader at the HarvestHouse Christian Center, HCC, under the spiritual covering of her pastor and father, Reverend Gbeminiyi Eboda.
She is happily married to Dr Abiodun Osofowora, her husband of 24 years and their union is blessed with 3 lovely children.
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It’s important that we first know what conflict is.
Below is the dictionary definition of conflict:
“Serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one”.
Synonyms: dispute, quarrel, squabble, disagreement, a difference of opinion, dissension; discord, friction, strife, antagonism, antipathy, ill will, bad blood, hostility, falling-out, disputation, contention; clash, altercation, shouting match, exchange, war of words; tussle, fracas, affray, wrangle, tangle, the passage of/at arms, battle royal, feud, schism.
If you check the above definition, you will realize that none of us can avoid conflict in our relationships, any kind of relationship actually, marriage only happens to be one of the relationships that predispose us more to it because of the depth of emotions involved and the proximity.
The only thing is that the extent and depth with which it will go will now depend on the individuals involved and their conflict resolution techniques.
What do I mean? Look at that definition, disagreement, differences in opinion, friction and exchange of words are also part of the conflict.
So, let’s face it, if you tell me your marriage has no conflict whatsoever, it only tells me that you have a very unhealthy relationship and a dangerous one too.
Because it’s either it’s a situation of a “Hitler/Jew” relationship wherein we have a tyrant and his or her captive thereby a graveyard silence and pseudo-peace has been achieved or the marriage has entered the most dangerous mode called “Indifference Avenue”.
You see, hatred is not the opposite of love, when you say you hate someone, it means feelings and passions are still present, and with proper stimuli, it can turn to love again.
The real opposite of love is indifference, i.e. the person stops being in existence in your perception; he or she has no power to elicit any form of response from you, that’s the real opposite of love.
Therefore, if the case is not any of the above, there will always be one form of conflict in your relationship or another.
So don’t feel like a failure or feel bad when you hear online or at meetings statements like, we never disagree quarrel etc, it’s actually not true, what they actually mean is that they don’t have certain kinds of disagreements or conflicts.
These other kinds are the others also enumerated there which include, dissensions, discords, strife, violence, malice, falling out etc.
These levels are reached based on the individuals involved, their maturity level and their conflict resolution techniques.
Let me stop here for today, I would like you to think about what we have discussed so far, and do an audit of your relationships and how you are handling any conflict or friction that occurs.
See you all next week as we take this discourse to another level.
Ciao!!!
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It is six months since the Academic Staff Union of Universities, ASUU, commenced strike following an impasse with Federal Government over unfulfilled agreements.
Consequently, students have borne the brunt of the imbroglio, being out of the academic environment trying to cope with the recurring decimal.
For some, it is not a new experience, as they had at one time or the other tasted the bitter pill of extension in the expected year of study in school occasioned by disagreement between academic or non-academic staff and government.
Truth be told, it is quite a challenging time for these students psychologically, emotionally and academically. Therefore, as a parent or guardian, this is a passionate plea that you please take it easy with your young adults living with you.
The current situation that has forced them back home is neither their fault nor yours as parents, though both of you are paying for it when two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.
Be kind with words towards them, be less judgemental and don’t be too quick to shut them up or throw insults.
This stage is hard for a lot of them. Very hard!
One of the students affected by the current ASUU strike reached out to me and said she was contemplating suicide.
One of the things that could easily frustrate a child is for his or her parents to be making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, without even wanting to hear him or her out. Please don’t do this to your children.
These young adults are not having it easy. If you have been to any institution of higher learning, you should already know how frustrating strikes can be.
A lot of young adults are exasperated. It’s hard trying to find your footing in a world so messed up.
Please be kind with your words towards your children and your wards.
Find time to converse with them. Ask them how they are doing, and how life is treating them. Ask them if they need help with anything and help as much as you can.
Reassure them that things will be fine and make efforts to be there for them.
If you used to send them money for upkeep while in school, please as long as you can afford to, give them something even while they are at home. Every young adult has a need.
Don’t make matters worse by unnecessarily picking on them or being unreasonably unbendable.
It’s sad knowing that a lot of young adults are happier away from home and their parents. It’s really sad. Your home should be a safe haven for your kids and wards, not where they would rather not be.
Being unreasonably strict isn’t what will make anyone turn out right. If anything, it only breeds sleek, sneaky humans so please give them a little breathing space too.
You will also do well to counsel and engage them positively. You can never tell, this period may just be an eye opener to discover their purpose in life.
Culled/ Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
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Ignorantly, most parents in present-day society, handle their children in ways that could make them completely dependent on them such that the children would find it difficult to do things or take decisions on their own when they are capable of doing things for themselves.
Attitude That Makes Children Over Dependent
1. You cook their food for them so that they can read and enjoy it.
2. You help them to wash their clothes and tidy their rooms.
3. You drop them off at school every day by yourself!
4. You lie on their behalf to get them out of trouble.
5. You arrange “expo” to help them pass their exams.
6. You protect them from every danger and difficulty.
7. You prevent them from any form of pain and suffering.
8. You hustle around while they watch films and play games.
9. They can’t go out alone because you’re always scared.
10. You take every decision for them because you’re wiser.
11. You go to their schools to fight for them and prove their rights.
12. You defend them even when they’re wrong and at fault.
13. You cannot stand seeing them starve or go hungry for once.
14. You fight against those who try to correct them.
You probably think you are showing them love but you may be shocked that you are raising an over-dependent generation. The harm is that by the time you’re no longer there and they face real-life challenges, they will become helpless!!! At that stage, they will realize the havoc you have done on them
Parents need to be careful how they raise their children. Remember, parenting is a divine assignment and so, requires God’s wisdom to be able to succeed in the task of raising responsible children.
. WISDOM TIPS
1. Give your children age-appropriate domestic tasks, even if you have a thousand and one domestic servants at home. It is sheer ignorance to think that doing everything for your children is a mark of honour or a way of bequeathing royalty on them.
2. Teach them to be useful and make their impact felt positively wherever they are found starting from the home, in school, places of worship, or other places.
3. Encourage your children to always leave a good impression wherever they go; teach them to be courteous, respectful, friendly, cheerful and helpful.
4. Teach them good toilet manners – they must know how to keep the toilet neat for the next user, and let them know that it is unacceptable to leave the bathroom floor or walls messed with soap, foam, or any form of dirt after bathing.
5. Teach your children the importance of taking good care of their body and their environment; whether they are at home or elsewhere. Remind them that responsible people don’t leave their rooms unkempt or their bed unmade when they get up in the morning; teach them to take their bath very well and smell fine always. you; let them take care of their armpits, teeth, hair and nails.
6. Teach your children to manage their used clothes and other personal belongings very well, whether in their home or elsewhere. It can be irritating to have dirty clothes or shoes, especially those of a visitor litter every corner of the house.
7. Let them pack their toiletries before leaving home. Your children should not depend on their hosts for their basic toiletries such as soap, cream, tooth paste and other essentials.
8. Teach your children to dress well all the time, especially when they are spending time with another family. You probably allow your daughters to dress in bum shots and your sons to walk about with their chest bare in your home, but they may not be safe if they do so in another place. You may not know where a predator would lie in wait for a child.
9. Teach them good table manners; not the ones recited in nursery schools rhymes. Teach them to chew with their mouth covered, not to make noise with the cutlery on their teeth, not to talk with their mouth full, etc.
10. Let your children know that washing only their own plates after eating is not a noble idea.
11. Remind your children that jumping into a conversation when adults are talking is a sign of being ill-mannered. Discourage this both in your home and elsewhere and do not hesitate to scold them for any act of misbehaviour.
12. Help your children not to be social birds online and anti-social bugs offline. They should relate well with people around them, much more than they do with virtual folks they meet online. Please, discourage this idea of young people locking themselves in the room for hours on end without communicating with anyone in the house – all because they are on phone.
13. Empower your children to uphold your family values wherever they are. But before then, make sure that your family values are credible, empowering, socially and morally beneficial.
14. Teach your children to control their appetite and learn to turn down certain offers, even when such offers come from people they know. And at home, it is not compulsory that they must taste everything they see someone eating. This will help them to take their eyes away from certain things when they are in other people’s homes.
15. Always remind your children that they are the window through which the world sees you. If your children’s behavior outside is bad, the general consensus is that they lack home training. And since children are not meant to give themselves home training, it means that you failed as a parent.
16. Finally, make sure your children know God. Salvation is not hereditary; that you are Godly or highly spiritual is not a guarantee that your children are saved. You must consciously and deliberately lead them to God.
Let us try our best to make sure these children represent us well. I am sure you will feel good if you come to your children’s school and people are pointing at you as the parent of the best-behaved child in the school. Won’t you?
Make sure your hosts and the hosts of your children are always impressed to have you or your children around.
May God, The Almighty make our children responsible and successful, Amen!
Culled
summer is upon us! Just like we are getting our summer body ready, we also love to prepare our snack. Let me introduce to you a yummy way to go enjoy Yoghurt.
Today we would be making frozen yogurt bark which is the perfect summer treat. It can be topped with fresh berries, fresh fruits, dried fruits, chocolates and crunchy granola; it’s a perfect hot weather snack. Damn! I’m salivating already.
Meanwhile, Yogurt is a food produced by the bacterial fermentation of milk. The bacteria used to make yoghurt are known as yoghurt cultures. It provides protein and calcium, and it may enhance healthy gut bacteria.
Let’s get into how we make this gorgeous snack
INGREDIENTS.
Yoghurt: This is our main ingredient for the snack. Greek yoghurt is a perfect option but you can still use other yoghurts in as much as they are thick. You can choose to get sweetened or unsweetened yoghurt.
Fruits: Make a choice of fruits you would love to take with your yogurt, clean them and chop into small sizes. And in case you’re using chocolate toppings, do choo your chocolate into small pieces.
Granola: This is an additional condiment to the yoghurt snack. It’s a mixture of rolled oat, nuts and seeds.
Let’s get into the steps to bring this beauty alive
PROCEDURES
1. Get your baking pan out and clean it.
2. Line it with a baking sheet or parchment paper.
3. Spread your yoghurt on the baking sheet and level it up. Ensure it’s not too thin or too thick.
4. Add your chopped fruit sparingly over the yoghurt.
5. Add in your Granola over the combination.
6. If you want a chocolate topping, skip the fruits and granola. Then spread your chocolate chunks sparing over the yoghurt.
7. In case you used unsweetened yoghurt, drizzle your mixture with honey or maple syrup.
8. Put the mixture in the freezer and let it freeze till it hardens.
9. Get it out when you’re ready to take it and break it to consume.
10. Enjoy the chills of this delicacy as it goes down your throat.
You can enjoy it one day while reading your favourite novel or having any fun activities you enjoy. Yogurt is a food that can be enjoyed at any time of the day in multiple creative ways.
Try this and your summer would be one of the best.
Zainab Olasupo-Idris
By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan
That parenting is a huge task today, especially with emerging trends in modern society, is undeniable.
Is it the unbecoming attitude of many young people or prevailing social vices manifesting in different and unsuspecting forms?
Gone were the days when misbehaviour was only found among adolescents and youths because at that stage of their lives, they have some more awareness about themselves and as a result, some begin to see themselves as knowing better than their parents.
This is usually accompanied by the urge for freedom, exploration and adventure.
Of greater concern is the subtle penetration of this social menace into the camp of children, with primary school children now committing many atrocities.
There was the case of a little boy in primary one who, during an exam had written on his lap, answers to likely questions.
A video also went viral of two toddlers who were romancing themselves behind the school building.
Not even the school authority knew except a perceived neighbour whose house was close to the school from where the act was recorded.
These are just a few out of many issues of growing concerns among children today and the truth is, these children would grow up to be adults someday.
Without mincing words, a lot is happening in contemporary society and children are seeing events as they unfold by the day.
The weight of these unwholesome behaviours already constitutes so much pressure on some children.
While some are battling with the psychological effect of these experiences, trying to surmount it could not match the sane atmosphere they have been raised in their homes; others are already losing their guards and bowing to the pressures.
Sincerely, parents cannot fold their arms and watch till things deteriorate right before them.
The hearts of these children are beating so high with things they can explain and things they cannot, things they understand and those they don’t.
This is the more reason parents, guardians and even caregivers should give room for these God-given treasures to open up their minds and pour out the content to safe containers and not unsuspecting vampires who disguise as friends, neighbours and uncles but with ulterior motives.
As a parent, never shut your child up or shout him or her down when he/she is about to tell you something.
No matter how uninteresting he may sound, give him/her that listening ear and follow everything he says, giving them good thought.
Such enhances the bond between a child and the parents.
However, a child whose thoughts are waved on different occasions may begin to look out for whom to talk to, thus making the child vulnerable to those who would take advantage of him or her.
Gone were the days when the saying “What does a child know” is found to be true.
Today, a child sees, hears and knows a lot.
Do not underestimate that child!
