Radio Nigeria Ibadan Zonal Station

Category: Parenting Tips

  • Childhood Trauma, Lifelong Scars

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    It is heart rendering that children are suffering unjustly and rather than the trend becoming unabated, it is assuming a more worrisome dimension.

    Tragically, these innocent lives who should be surrounded by love, care and protection, instead suffer all manners of abuses in the hands of those entrusted with their care.

    The case of a female teacher at a private school at Ikorodu, Lagos, Stella Nwadigo, who repeatedly slapped a three-year-old pupil, Abayomi Michael, for failing to write the number six as instructed cannot be hurriedly forgotten.It is good justice is taking its cause due to her arrest.

    What about a middle-aged woman at Araromi Obada Oko, identified as Odeale Fatimah who was also arrested for using a razor blade to inflict deep wounds on ten-year-old boy Olasunkanmi Oluwadamilara over allegations of theft of six hundred naira.

    In a shocking incident outside Nigeria, an Australian social media influencer was also accused of poisoning her own baby girl to garner donations and increase her online presence.Imagine!

    The escalating rate of crimes against children is becoming increasingly unacceptable and has reached a tipping point,where immediate action is necessary.”

    The World Health Organization,WHO, defines child maltreatment as the abuse and neglect that occurs to children under 18 years of age. It includes all types of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect, negligence and commercial or other exploitation, which results in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power.

    Worrying statistics reveal that 60% of children under 5 are physically or emotionally abused by parents or caregivers, while 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced childhood sexual abuse.

    Sadly, child maltreatment is frequently concealed, and only few gets support and justice.It’s commendable that justice is being served in recent cases, but we mustn’t forget the countless victims whose ordeals are ignored, and left to endure trauma, injury, or even death in silence.”

    Child maltreatment can have far-reaching and devastating consequences, leading to a range of developmental, health, learning difficulties, social struggles, depression, aggression.

    The long-term effects of childhood trauma can persist into adulthood, increasing the likelihood of developing mental health disorders, struggling with addiction, experiencing chronic illness, and facing economic instability.”

    As they mature into adulthood, victims of childhood maltreatment remain vulnerable to a range of challenges, including psychiatric disorders, substance abuse, chronic health conditions, and reduced economic prospects.(National Research Council, USA),

    We therefore, cannot remain passive observers while the future of these innocent children are ravaged by maltreatment. We must intervene and act!

    While children atimes cannot but display some naughtiness, discipline should be corrective and not destructive.

    As much as possible, avoid hitting any child on sensitive parts such as the eyes, face, ears, head, chest, stomach.These are no go areas to touch while scolding a child for any injury to these parts may be irrepairable.

    Be it also known that children, according to Scriptures are the heritage from the Lord, making them precious gifts from God.

    Consequently, any form of abuse or maltreatment towards them is a direct affront to God Himself.

    Be mindful how you treat children for you never can tell, the child you abuse today might be the very one who comes to your rescue tomorrow.

    Interestingly, you may not recognize that child because he would have grown too but it is certain, he will.

  • “My Father Threatens to Kill Me” -Teenager Cries Out

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    Looking so scared, worried and disturbed was this young, dark in complexion beautiful girl as she walked into the premises of the Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria,  Ibadan Zonal Station, Dugbe, Ona – Adebimpe Road in Ibadan.

    It was so obvious she needed urgent help.But what could be the source of concern for this teenager?

    Teenager’s Ordeal 

    Ikimo Ayoola by name, very outspoken and confident, complained that her father threatened to kill her for allegedly spoiling his dumb phone.

    The teenage girl explained that she was cooking noodles as instructed by her father and had to hold the phone in her mouth to use the touch for illumination.

    However, very early the next day, the father was reported to have woken her up, visibly angry and began to flog her, claiming she had spoilt the phone and was going to kill her.”This morning my daddy said he would kill me and he would kill himself.He beat me.I now said I will come to Radio Nigeria”.

    This threat made her to run to Radio Nigeria.On her lips and leg were injuries sustained from the beatings she received from her father.

    On further interrogation, Ikimo who is thirteen years old hails from Oyo town.She said her father and mother were separated.

    According to her, she stays with her father at Agbede, Iyana Opo area in  Ibadan, while her mother has settled down with another man and resides at Asaka, IkeOlu also in Ibadan.

    She explained that her father banned her from visiting her mother while the mother and her new husband were equally not favourably disposed to her visiting them.

    Sadly, due to a medical condition, she could not further her education and had to drop out of school when she was in primary four.

    As a way to seek financial support for her upkeep, Ikimo claimed her mother took her to a rich man but alleged that the man defiled her.

    She then was later taken to a relative with whom she stayed with for a while until her medical challenge played up again.

    The relative could also not cope with her medical challenge and had to return her to her father.But since her stay with her father, she hasn’t been going to school due to that health condition.

    Hearing that she would be returned to her father by Radio Nigeria, her countenance changed. Dark clouds enveloped her and the young girl bursted into tears, saying she was not ready to go.

    Journey Back Home

    Ikimo alighted from the vehicle that brought her home reluctantly and sorrowful.

    At Agbede, Alarere is this muddy, patched house with an almost blown off roof and an unkempt surroundings where Ikimo and her father lives.

    One of the neighbours who is an elderly woman said Ikimo’s father, (a scavenger)  had  gone to work. She attested to the threat issued by Ikimo’s father and noted that the young girl due to threats often ran away from home anytime her father scolded her for misbehaviour.

    However, the appearance of some other people at home called for great concern.

    One of the men on ground was sighted with a stick of cigarette, one of the ladies looked so hostile and the area where the house is sighted is the centre of meeting for some area boys as smell of illicit drugs could easily be perceived.

    What then is the fate of Ikimo in the midst of all these? It is obvious she lacks parental care.

    Would this sharp and bright  girl receive the needed care that would bring out the hero in her?

    How would she overcome the health challenge that has halted her schooling?

    If there is any plea from Ikimo, it is to receive love and affection from a good spirited individual who would enable her realize her God given purpose just like she pleaded “I want someone who will help and take care of me”.

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  • Cursing: A Time Bomb Waiting to Explode

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    As I began to write this piece, I remembered the true life story of a young man who had a miserable life.

    He tried all efforts to rise from the muddy waters of life, but kept on sinking. However, he was not silent.

    Life wasn’t pleasant for him at all. It kept presenting him bile and he was at the verge of giving up when he met a Pastor. He narrated his ordeal and the Pastor prayed for him.

    However,  while praying,  the Spirit of the Lord told the Pastor to tell the young man to go and plead with his mother to bless him: for the mother was said to have uttered a curse upon him while he was younger .

    Thank God, he obeyed.He met his mother and she reversed the curse and blessed him. 

    In less than two months after, the young man rose from obscurity to lime light.The once  rejected, poverty stricken, sorrowful and perplexed man became a force to reckon with.

    Coming back from this story, I pondered ” How many glorious destinies had been ruined by utterances from parents!”

    The tongue as little as it is among the parts of the body, carries both life and death, but, what it releases is dictated or controlled by man in whose mouth lies the tongue.

    It is very disturbing that many parents, at the slightest provocation, habitually rain  torrents of curses on their children, unknown to them that, the effects of curses do not manifest early in life.

    Unfortunately, it might just be the time that such parents are to be enjoying the fruits of their labour over their children that echoes of the curses will start manifesting in their children’s life, just as it happened to that young man.

    Dad, Mum, Uncle, Aunt, truth be told, ‘Words are powerful!

    Curses are evil pronouncement which usually have negative effect upon the bearer. Sadly, this is a habit that is common among some parents. Curses flow freely on their lips to the extent that some would say that their  children will not prosper. Yet such parents want to reap the fruits of their labour.

    This is the very reason you as a parent must tame your tongue and watch your pronouncements upon your children.

    Cursing your child is like labouring for something and using the same hand to pull it down.

    This is the reason God frowns at raining curses.

    “Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing.
    My brothers, these things ought not to be so”.

    James 3;10

    Uttering verbal abuse which has in it curses, is an ill wind capable of distorting a child’s destiny because God has placed you as an authority over that child. Therefore, your tongue has a great impact on your child and the more reason you should be mindful of the way you use it.

    A renowned writer, Liza Blau, agreed that cursing a child could give the child emotional trauma, lead to low self esteem, birth a feeling of frustration or anger. “She might internalize your hostility, leading her to feel worthless and unlovable. Cursing can also leaves your kid confused and unclear about what she did wrong, because it isn’t honest or healthy communication”.

    Due to the imitative nature of children, a child that is constantly exposed to cursing might also unconsciously begin to imbibe the same culture which he displays among his friends in school or neighborhood.

    While curses may have physiological effect, the spiritual effect is more devastating as the child may just be battling with unexplainable issues in life.

    Though, children may misbehave sometimes, parents should as much as possible avoid evil pronouncements, no matter how angry they are. Your Words are like seeds waiting for the appropriate time to germinate for you to harvest.

    However, children should also avoid actions that could provoke their parents to invoke curses on them.

  • Why Children Do Not Open Up to Their Parents

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    “If I tell mummy, she would blame me for everything”.

    “Do you know what i have told you, my parents do not know”?

    “Ha, I can’t open up to my parents oo they will kill me”?

    “I prefer to talk to my friends, my parents have no time”? 

    “Mummy doesn’t calm down to hear my side and understand me, she flairs up at any little thing”.

    These are responses of some children while in a conversation with the author on various issues arising in their lives.

    A lot of things which the children told the author were mind-blowing. Some could be classified as shocking revelations. But it is more shocking that they were kept from their parents for various reasons as found in their submissions above.

    The question is, must we then sleep in the house with fire on the rooftop? Certainly, this issue cannot be wished away if parents will not be building strangers out of their children.

    What then could be the cause(s) of this gap?

    Findings show that Fear is a major factor that makes children want to hide things from their parents. Some parents do not give room for an atmosphere that could encourage their children to pour out their minds. They are so tough like granite and very inaccessible that even their arrival at home makes the children cringe.

    Sharing their experiences, two siblings who were raised in this kind of atmosphere recalled how they used to push each other to their father whenever they wanted to collect something from him. David and Ruth explained that they were always afraid to approach their father because he was very tough, though  the siblings were closer to their mum. It was funny to hear them say, that if they wanted to collect something from their father and he was in his bedroom, they would have to make a sign of the cross and sum up courage before knocking at his door.

     Another factor that makes many children recoil is lack of affirmation. Children love to be appreciated and commended. It does not only give them room to express themselves but also builds confidence in them. Unfortunately, only a few children enjoy this from their parents.

    Parents also make the mistake of condemning a child when he/she comes home with a poor academic result. Parents are often too quick to scold, especially using hurting words on children with weak academic results. 

    We must realize that there is a difference between the child and his result. 

    A child is more than the result he/she brings. This is not encouraging failure but opening the eyes of parents to the fact that in such a situation, the child needs reassurance of love and support so that he can perform better next time. Harshness will also blind parents from discovering what the child’s problem could be academically.

    Parents who have this nature will also succeed in driving their children away from unburdening their hearts to them.

    When your child shares his/her pain with you, and the next is to use it against her among other friends or just refer to it while chatting with others, ha! that child will see you as a parent who does not respect confidentiality.

    Comparing your child with another, which may even be his siblings, is a sure reason that child will be silent. Through such you are building in him a feeling of inferiority, timidity and subtle hostility.

    Know this, “Every child is unique in his/ her way”. This uniqueness distinguishes him from others. Not even twins have everything the same.

    One thing about children is that they can perceive easily an atmosphere where love abounds and where hatred, and bitterness breed. Children desire sincere demonstration of love and affection beyond words of mouth.

    The warmth felt in the womb for years, cuddles received from the mother, backing and all forms of care and affection registered in their subconscious, and they grow to desire more of it.

    Therefore, if a child could perceive this from his / her parents, he or she would be free to dialogue with them. Love and affection are what everyone craves and there’s no substitute for it. As the saying goes, “Under someone’s hard shell is that person that wants to be loved and cared for.

  • The Child: Whose Responsibility?

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    We are now in the age and times when we may really need to unmask the truth of whose responsibility is the child, Government, Society or Parents.

    Today, some parents blame the teacher for every one of their children’s failures. Society also shares part of it and the government is not exempted.

    Statements such as “that teacher is not performing his/her duty very well, see what the society has turned our children to, our government is not helping our children at all ” are now freely and commonly expressed by some parents due to the shortcomings in their children’s academic performance or behavioural pattern.

    We may however need to counter these statements with the following questions; Who is to blame when the child refuses to do his homework ( a work that is expected to be done at home), and which keeps piling up? Must the teacher be blamed when a mother decides to do the assignment for her child rather than to guide him/ her through it?

    Also, who is to blame when a child watches sensual films with his parents? Then when the boy attempts to have carnal knowledge of a mate, who is of the opposite sex, is the teacher also responsible?

    Oh, we may as well ask, if it is the government that teaches a child to be unruly and bully other mates in school, dress in tattered uniform, wear crazy haircuts, with vulgar expressions gushing out of the lips without caution.

    While we do not deny the fact that the teacher, society or environment, and government fall under secondary influencers when it comes to child development, parents still remain the major stakeholders in terms of child care, training and overall development.

    From infancy, a child is welcomed into the hands of a father and mother and grows under their tutelage until maturity.
    Even a child born outside wedlock has a father and mother.

    However, someone may argue that what about children who are orphans? The truth is even an orphan is handed over to a caregiver in a family or orphanage. The case of a set of twin brothers comes to mind. Their mother died during their birth and the father took to heels realising they were twins. Perhaps, for fear of responsibility, only God knows. These twin brothers were raised by their maternal grandmother and today, one is a successful lawyer and the other a doctor.

    Children who are used for rituals, abandoned at birth either under the bridge, beside the river, on refuse dumps or in most unimaginable places as reported in the news, have the hands of one or both parents.

    Psychologist, Sigmund Freud posited that personality forms during the first few years of life and that how parents and other caregivers interact with children has a long-lasting impact on children’s emotional state.

    Another research corroborated this by saying that a personality formed by the age of six or seven is not likely to deviate from its core.

    Therefore, parents must realise that the formative years of a child must not be joked with and it begins from the home, just like the age-long proverb, “Charity begins at home”.
    At this early stage, all the senses of the child imbibe consciously or unconsciously from elements around him, of which the parents are key.
    As the child grows, all he has absorbed begins to manifest and the picture gets bigger by the day.

    If there is no solid foundation for that child during his formative years, he or she will be swayed by the wind of abnormalities in his environment. It is like building a house on a shaky foundation
    Such will easily crumble amid storms.

    This is not to exempt other stakeholders who are the teachers and government. As a teacher, you are to make and not mar them through impactful teachings. So, a case where a teacher is found defiling his/her pupil is appalling and highly unacceptable.

    Government, on its part, must be seen to uphold the Child Rights Act(2023). 24 out of 36 states of Nigeria have adopted the CRA as a state law. Therefore, twelve (12) states in Nigeria have yet to adopt the CRA in their laws of the 36 states of the federation.

    Needlessly is, therefore, trading blame when it comes to whose responsibility is the child’s. The truth be told; you carry the major responsibility as a parent because you are given the child directly by God.

    And to whom much is given, much is expected!

  • When Punishment Becomes Life Threatening 

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    While in the midst of some ophthalmologists who came on medical outreach to Ibadan, Oyo state, Nigeria, some time ago, a young, dark in complexion beautiful girl was brought before the medical team. 

    The girl in her teens, appeared calm and promising but was assisted because she had a visual impairment.

    While waiting to be attended to, I learnt the sight challenge of the girl was not congenital but the consequence of the scolding she received from her uncle.

    The uncle was said to have angrily slapped her in the face for misbehaviour and the resultant effect was that the girl had sight impairment, which led to her unenvisaged appearance before the opthalmologist.

    Consider another case, a tragic one indeed: a little boy was asked to stoop down by stretching one of his legs backwards while touching the ground with one toe.

    The child was forgotten on that spot, and eventually, he gave up the ghost.

    Slapping the face, giving a child knock on the head, hitting the belly and employing all manners of corporal punishment to the extent of inflicting injuries all in the name of disciplining a child are very common among parents, especially in the African setting.

    However, these forms of punishment are inimical to a child’s physical and mental well-being.

    Corporal or physical punishment is defined by the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child, which oversees the Convention on the Rights of the Child, as”any punishment in which physical force is used and intended to cause some degree of pain or discomfort, however light”.

    Some psychologists argue that corporal punishment can make children fearful of their parents and encourage them to hide.

    Medical experts on their part, explained that the force of a slap could be injurious to the face region. Slap to the eye can lead to trauma, including retinal detachment and possible blindness, while slaps to the ears can cause ruptured eardrums, hearing loss, or tinnitus.

    Though children may misbehave at times because they are still growing and under tutelage, it is advisable to focus on the shortcomings and teach them to change rather than subject them to life-threatening punitive measures.

    A child may also get used to a particular punishment or form of discipline constantly meted out to him with the measure failing to achieve the desired correction.

    Some forms of punishment can equally turn some children into bullies, and should such children grow up with these tendencies, they become belligerent or aggressive adults, men who could easily hit their wives or women who pounce on their husbands at the slightest provocation.

    Cursing a child as well is not an option. The dangers of raining curses are not easily seen,  as the Yoruba would say” Epe kii ja loojo”, meaning a curse bids its time before baring its fangs.

    As a parent, one must study the punitive measures that would bring about transformation, and avoid those that could bring ruin upon a child.

    That is not to say you should spare the rod but use it wisely and lovingly.

  • Give Carrot, But Don’t Spare the Rod

    Olaitan Oye-Adeitan in this piece writes on indulgence as a breeding ground for incorrigibility among children.

    Perhaps, we should ask, how did we get to this point? How did all these begin, that a child will have the effrontry to frame up a teacher just because the teacher scolded him for a misbehaviour in school? 
    The child was only asked to stand up in class for disturbing, as a minor punishment, only for him to complain to his mother that his body was seriously aching because he claimed the teacher canned  and insulted him.
    In anger, the mother stormed the school and vented her anger on the teacher, raging profusely.

    The experience of another teacher also comes to mind, as a student lied against her just because she enforced discipline. It was discovered that the student had a chat book, where she wrote all manners of unbelievable things whenever the teacher was in the class. Rather than listen in class, she conversed with her book of ‘mischief’, until the teacher caught her one day.

     Should we also talk about the experience of a primary school teacher, who was assaulted to the point of death by the parents of a Primary One pupil at a school in Ibadan, the Oyo State capital, for canning the pupil who was found to have written answers on his laps during exams? But for the saving grace of God, the teacher would have lost her life in the hands of these parents.

    Recently, there was the report of a school teacher at a secondary school at Agbor, in Delta State, who was attacked on the school premises by the father of a student, disciplined for misconduct. Eventually, the teacher died.

    Numerous are the examples of high level of indiscipline among children and culpability of parents taking sides with their wards over actions they should have been well scolded for.
    It is a dangerous thing for a child in her formative years to be made to see the immoral, abnormal as acceptable and normal way of life.

    Dangling the carrot and sparing the rod is not in any way ideal for child training and development. 
    We are now in a society where some parents are controlled by their kids, with the parents even defending what shouldn’t be defended at all. There are some actions that are to the detriment of the child’s health.


    For instance, a woman once took her ill daughter to hospital. After consultations, the doctor recommended some drugs to be administered to the child. But , the mother said the child would not take the particular tablet from her, and declined giving the child the prescribed drug despite the doctor’s suggestion, not until her husband told her that he would know how to ensure their daughter took the drug.

    I have also heard, some parents, especially mothers utter statements such as ” I can’t allow anyone to cain my child oo.I knew what I faced on the day of delivery.

    Such mindset is the reason some parents fight or abuse their children’s teachers or anyone who tries to scold them for their misbehaviour, forgetting that sparing the rod bakes a spoilt brat who in turn would become a trouble to the home and society.

    Some mothers are equally in the habit of indulging their kids when being punished for an offence by their fathers rather than speaking with one voice to correct that child.

    This among other factors accounts for increasing level of moral decadence, youthful exhuberance and juvenile delinquency.

    Parents who are guilty of this should realise that loving a child is not in pampering and providing all material needs  but also requires enforcing appropriate discipline when the child errs, in love.

    A child that is left to go away with what he should be punished for will grow up believing, that is the normal way of life .And like the Yoruba adage, ” Ati kekere lati peka iroko, to ba dagba tan, ebo ni yio gba lowo eni, meaning .a stitch in time saves nine.

    Birth pains, struggles encountered while raising a child, the soft spot you have or special instructions attached to the destiny of that child should not debar parents from inculcating discipline in a child.

    One unarguable truth we must remember is that, children are gifts of God to families and a such, they are divine assignments in the hands of custodians. Like the Holy Scriptures instructs, “Train your child in the way of the Lord, when he grows up, he will not depart from it”.

    If this instruction is neglected, then the child is vulnerable to being trained by the ‘World.’

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  • Her Parents Had Wrong Idea of Showering Love Until She Committed Suicide

    …Must Read For Every Parent

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    “Dear Mum, it’s with a heavy heart that I’m writing this note, knowing the pain it is going to cause you.

    Mum, I want you to know that I love you dearly and if given the opportunity to live again, I will still choose you as mum and our family will still be my place of birth.

    But, unfortunately, I know there is not going to be such opportunity.

    Mum, I didn’t want to do this but it was compelled by circumstances beyond my control.I tried my best to pull through but my best was not good enough.

    I battled along for like thirteen months now until my strength failed me.

    You and Dad could not decipher what I was going through, and may be I should not blame you for that. My one and only brother came very close, understanding what I was passing through but it was too much for his young mind to comprehend.

    Mum, I know that you and Dad loved me and did all you could to show it, but I was not feeling loved. You provided for me more than I even wanted, took me to places most of my mates had not even heard of.

    Despite all these, my heart was longing for love. I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and fill the vacuum there. The material provision you spoiled me with could not do that and I was alone all the while despite the fact that we laughed together and had gists as family.

    Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back, your brother, Uncle Tony came to live with us made me feel that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for, companionship! Yes, he chose to stay with me when you and Dad were too busy to notice my loneliness. He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but I had only gadgets and Teddy Bear. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness and he did it perfectly and deeply.

    Mum, your brother raped me and used me as a sex toy for three whole years. I expected you and Dad to notice but none of you did. When he left our house last year, I was shattered because I had grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him. But when he eventually left for Canada, the magnitude of the emptiness became too heavy for me to bear.

    I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and Dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher. That singular act instead of helping me, fuelled what was going to happen to me.

    The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle and on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and make him fill the void that Tony’s absence created in me.

    Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there alone? Couldn’t you for once go out of your way and spend time with me so that we could talk?

    There are many things I would have liked to tell you but I did not want to add to your pain.

    Let those other torments be buried with that undignified body of mine. Make sure my brother, David does not get to this point I am now. Also, please tell your friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening to their beloved kids before it gets too late.

    Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we, the younger ones need. I would have been gone long hours before you get to read this note, but one cheering thing is that David is still there. Transfer the love you had for me to him. My bank details and the password of my phones and laptops are in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table.

    I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle into my hand but I am constrained to do it all the same.Tell Dad and David that I love them.Tell my Pastor that I will miss his sermon and long prayers.Tell my friends not to envy me. Good bye mum”.

    That was the pathetic letter of a fifteen year old girl to her mother.

    If it is the question of who should be held responsible or blame , then every actor in the letter is guilty. But then, one should look deeper to save many other children who may be going through similar situation.

    It is a case of a child starved of Love while the parents felt they were showing her love like the letter read “Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we, the younger ones need”.

    Love is not defined by chocolates, ice creams, teddy bears, visiting the best places in the world, going a shopping and just lavishing a child with anything he or she needs. These are things done occasionally without necessarily having to sit down with the child, making it a case of just throwing goodies at the child without the affectionate attention.

    Truth be told, your  child NEEDS ATTENTION and AFFECTIONATE CARE. No amount of gadgets, technological devices can be substitute for the quality time you should, as a parent spend with your child.

    Unfortunately, parents have allowed the hustle bustle of life to  submerge the attention they are to give their children.

    That is why many children die silently or unburden their heart to outsiders or friends who may take advantage of this vacuum,while parents take pride in the fact that they  send them to the best schools, buy them best clothes, load their accounts with substantial money, buy all the needed gadgets for them and make them to be at par or above their mates.

    Some children don’t get to see their parents in the morning because they would have left for work very early and also had slept before they returned in the night, leaving the care in the hands of house helps, friends, relatives .

    Ask yourself, do you know what your child is going through? Do you know what that house-help, neighbor, uncle, aunt, teacher are doing to your child? Do you know their whereabouts? Popular TV presenter, Frank Olize whenever he was launching his programme, ‘Newsline’, way back then, would ask “Parents where are your children?”

    On many occasions, these children want to let out issues bothering them, they want to ask questions, they need counsel, advice, they just want to sit down with their parents and rob minds together but parents are not there.

    Never assume all is well with your child and don’t be too busy to find out.

    Care must be taken to avoid thinking you know your child when in reality you do not.

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  • Parental Favouritism; Foundation for Generational Hostility

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    Gbenga and Wura(Pseudo names) are siblings.However, for about ten years, their relationship was estranged due to hostilities stemming from their parents’  favouring Wura over Gbenga who is the elder brother.

    They both lived in the same house, yet they weren’t greeting each other.Gbenga exhibited so much hatred for Wura,while Wura disrespected her brother even in the presence of her friends, a situation that compounded the problem.

    The stiffness in this family tie lingered till they became adults and after the demise of their father. It was so bad that attempt by a relative to settle the rift did not yield the desired result. Gbenga said categorically, “no one could settle what their parents caused.”

    While there’s the  natural tendency for a child to win the heart of a parent or both, not every parent has been able to manage the feelings.

    This life story tells of how as parents, you may be inadvertently fostering rivalry among your children by displaying favouritism as also revealed in the experiences of other children captured in their different excerpts.

    Expressions such as “Oh!, that’s my girl, you won’t be like your sister or brother, Can’t you see that your brother/ sister behaves better than you or is more brilliant than you?” are all indicative of parental favouritism. The truth is, kids can be so intuitive about the presence of favouritism in their family.

    Parental favoritism can create an environment of inequality and resentment among siblings.

    Psychologists say, unfavored children may experience negative emotions, depression leading to withdrawal, develop low self-esteem and nurse the feeling of incompetency, sadness,anger, hatred, jealousy, throughout their lives due to lack of parental affirmation and affection.

    On the other hand, a child that is endeared to the parent may develop an overbearing attitude and disrespect other siblings, moving around with so much pride.

    These feelings can fester over time, forming the foundation for generational hostility that can permeate adult lives.

    Generational hostility stemming from parental favoritism isn’t confined to childhood. As children grow into adults, the bitterness they harbor can manifest in strained family gatherings, passive-aggressive behavior, and even estrangement. The cycle may continue as they, in turn, unknowingly exhibit favoritism in their own parenting styles.

    Unfortunately, the effects ripple through the lives of family members, creating emotional scars that can echo across generations, influencing interpersonal relationships and overall well-being of individuals and family life.

    Due to the consequences of parental favouritism, it is necessary that the cycle be broken before generations unborn catches the strange fire.

    Therefore, parents should open conversations within the family to help in understanding how each member feels and foster empathy.

    Engage in activities that bring the family together. Shared memories and experiences can help bridge the gap between generations and mend old wounds.

    Family therapy or counseling can also provide a safe space to address underlying issues and rebuild strained relationships

    As parents,do not praise or encourage only one child. Learn to treat them equally with the help of God to nurture healthier relationships that span generations.  Through this, we can work towards creating a more harmonious and supportive family environment that would be sustained well after we may have departed the world.

    Join me next week,for more on parenting.You can follow the author on Facebook Olaitan Oye-Adeitan.

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  • Parenting: What Children Need After School Exams

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan 

    “Holiday is coming, Holiday is coming, 

    No more clanging bells,

    No more teachers’ cain.

    Good bye teacher, Good bye scholars,

    We are going on, a jolly holiday”.

    Sure, you remember this old school song often rendered whenever holiday was approaching.

    Though some schools are already on vacation, I’m very sure that is the song now on the lips of many pupils and students, including S.S3 and JS3 students writing NECO and BECE examinations.

    It is with great joy and anxiety that pupils and parents look forward to a break at the end of the school session. 

    This is because, such would give parents some relief economically especially with the high cost of transportation now, while the children too are more relaxed at home ,having more time to sleep,eat and play.

    Psychologically, the brain needs to rest having been subjected to rigorous academic work for months.So it is expected that children be given the opportunity to relax. This drives home the saying, “All work and no play,makes jack a dull boy”.

    Work is always to be relieved by some form of play or recreation because constant pressure of work depresses the mind and impairs the health. So, when children find some time to play, their health rejuvenates and the soundness of their mind returns.

    Beyond the physical activities one area that helps both the physical and mental rejuvenation of a child during the holidays is Bonding with the parents.

    We rush them every day for school, all to return in the evening to catch up again .By this time, parents are tired, mother goes to the kitchen, children busy with their assignment with little or no supervision from parents. By the time dinner is ready, everybody eats and goes to bed and the routine continues like that.

    Except we want to decieve ourselves, the daily struggle to make ends meet has deprived many children the attention needed from and strong feeling of closeness to their parents.

    On weekends, some parents are honouring invitations to ‘Owambe’, meaning parties and by Sunday we are already preparing for another week.So where is the time for the kids?

    Now that the children are on holidays, find time to bond with them.Yes, you may be going to work but  prepare an atmosphere they would love, enjoy and remember for good.Work life balance is the optimum balance between our work, social and home lives.

    Do not say you don’t have the time, create time and be intentional to make it up to your kids. Wake them up with a kiss, a hug ,and a  reassuring smile. 

    It costs nothing but impacts much on a child. Prepare their food and ensure you put them in safe custody while away at work.

    No matter how tired you are while returning from work, do not transfer the work stress to them.Ask God for grace to come back home cheerful, ready to receive their welcome too.Children are sensitive to moods.

    When you’re off duty or during weekends, take them out on a walk. Let them enjoy and appreciate nature’s gifts around them As you go, respond to their questions and curiosity.Not everything is going a shopping or Cinema.

    If you are the type that loves to party, you may have to cut down once a while to stay and play with the kids at home. Parenting is sacrificial,so you must not count it too much to sacrifice your time for them.

    The benefits of spending quality time with your kids will reach far beyond their childhood.

    Join me next week ,for more on parenting.You can follow the author on Facebook Olaitan Oye-Adeitan.

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  • Parenting; School Grade, not a Reflection of a Child’s Ability

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    Back then as a student in the school, we all looked forward to high scores in our examinations and so does our parents. A child with very good grades was celebrated and almost seen as the toast of his parents. So we all struggled, to get good grades and receive the applause of the school and hugs of our parents.

    In fact, we detest ever having red ink on our report cards because we knew what that meant.

    Today, this same spirit resides in students and parents and there’s absolutely nothing wrong. But one truth every teacher, parent, and student needs to know is that examinations and grades are very important but they are not everything.

    Sad schoolgirl showing her grade on a test at elementary school.

    Due to the so much emphasis placed on high scores, a lot of students only read to pass exams. Some do a lot of cramming, ‘read and download’ with very few studying to internalize what had been taught.

    Some also resort to examination malpractice just to be able to record good grades, looking for ‘expo’, that is, exam questions at all costs. This kind of attitude informs statements such as “Enito ba mo way e, lo mo we”, meaning, “Whoever knows his way, is the one that’s brilliant”.

    There had also been cases where some students were pushed to take up science subjects or courses based on their excellent grades in those subjects whereby such students do not have the capacity or potential for those courses. Some would have been better off in Arts class.

    No doubt, grades are good, but they certainly do not define a student. Beyond the grades is a life whose destiny is yet to be revealed.

    Benjamin Solomon Carson, popularly called Ben Carson, is an  American neurosurgeon and politician, who performed the first successful operation on conjoined twins who were separated at the back of the head(Occipital craniopagus twins). 

    Dr. Benjamin Carson

    Ben was not brilliant in his elementary school days. He was so dull in class that he became an object of mockery among other fellow classmates. His performances were so bad that the school asked his mother to withdraw him as he could not cope. What a sad day for his mother when the letter, asking her to withdraw his son from school was handed over to her.

    But years later, this same Ben Carson became the World acclaimed Surgeon, achieving a feat no surgeon ever recorded in history.

    Aside the separation of the Siamese twins, he had laurels of other achievements. He was awarded William E Simon Prize for philanthropic leadership in 2005, the Spingarn Medal from the NAACP; the highest honor for outstanding achievement in 2006 while the United States white house awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor in 2008. His achievements are just too numerous to count but way back then in school, he performed poorly.

    As a Singaporean head teacher once wrote, ” If your child gets top marks, that’s great! But if he or she doesn’t, please don’t take away their self-confidence and their dignity from them. They are cut out for much bigger things in life. Let them know that no matter what they score, you still love them. One exam or low grade won’t take away their dreams or talents. And please, do not think that doctors and engineers are the only happy people in the world”.The principal wrote.

    Parents and teachers ought to realize that, amongst students sitting for exams, there’s a future entrepreneur who would not need history or literature in English, an artist who doesn’t need further maths, a musician whose chemistry work won’t matter and a sports person whose physical fitness is more important than their grade in physics. 

    Do not think that doctors and engineers are the only important and needed people in the world. The world is so large requiring expertise in various fields of life and more discoveries are emerging every day that will still require specialized skills hidden in young boys and girls who God has chosen to break such grounds.

    What is therefore required of parents and teachers is to discover the hidden potential in their children or students, not compare them with others, and help each child develop his potential to the fullest to be the man or woman God intends him to be for God the Creator has deposited in everyone what he or she requires to succeed in life.

    A German-born Physicist, Albert Einstein corroborated this in one of his statements, “Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid”.

    Grades do not measure intelligence. Academic records may show performance levels during exams, but additional factors may alter their applicability to your professional potential.

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  • Incessant Rape of the Girl Child and Cry For Justice

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan 

    Has the girl child now become nothing other than an object to be shredded rather than treasured,valued and nurtured?


    This question is borne out of the fact that hardly would a day pass without reports of sexual harassment in the form of rape or defilement as the case may be.


    On a daily basis,the media is  awashed with stories of the girl child being raped. Little girls even as young as one month to five years old equally go through the agony of defilements.


    It baffles one however that perpetrators of this dastardly act are fathers, brothers,uncles, guardians, neighbors,teachers and head teachers alike.


    These are people who ordinarily should protect, guide and care for these innocent,lovely and beautiful beings.

    Like a lion laying in wait for its prey are rapists in their evil scheme to pounce on an innocent girl who goes through her day unsuspecting of a hunter that may have laid ambush for her.

    A rapist and his victim

    And the hunters hide even in the most unimaginable places; the schools, church,houses of  neighbors or among relatives.


    The victim is now left to bear the physical and psychological trauma which ,if not properly managed could leave on her,a permanent scar.

    So, where then is safe for the girl child?
    Perpetrators when they have succeeded in carrying out their nefarious act even go to the extent of threatening to kill their victim if she dared to expose them.


    While some victims come out of this experience alive,it is unfortunate that some lose their lives in the process, without getting justice, leaving on the heart of the victim’s family, double loss and sorrow.


    Unfortunately, if ever caught and charged to court,the rapist on many occasions is granted bail due to weak legislation on rape issues.
    This inflicts more wound in the heart of the victim.


    While the law stipulates a twenty years imprisonment for rape cases, it is however sad that very few offenders had been made to serve the prescribed jail term, making others to keep mute on it.


    If the dignity, welfare and future of the girl child would not be left in jeopardy, it is high time the law began to take its full course on rapists, by punishing culprits regardless of whose ox is gourd.


    Parents must be alert and curious of unfolding events around and behavior of their children.They should give their little girl the freedom of expression anytime she wants to discuss with them.


    Often times, many kids are left to nurse their pains silently alone due to refusal of their parents to listen to them and erroneous belief that a child has no issue of concern.


    The custody of these children is equally vital, especially when parents are not around.Any unusual closeness or attachment from neighbors, friends or unknown individuals with the girl child must also be investigated by parents and challenged where necessary to avoid unsuspecting danger.


    It is advisable that parents do not overlook the importance of educating their female child on the realities of life and how to blow the whistle in case of rape attempt.


    The community  also has the responsibility of keeping an eye on activities and movements around them so as to quickly expose any shady or unwholesome act.


    Everyone should bear in mind that the child you save today may just be your only hope of tomorrow and a future beacon of her society’s progress and development.

    A News Commentary By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan.

  • Don’t Prepare the Road for Your Children

    “Don’t prepare the road for your children, prepare your children for the road.”

    Unknown

    Saw this quote somewhere and it brings to mind something that has been giving me a little bit of worry about the next generation, and by that I mean most children aged 10 years and under.

    I’ve noticed that a lot of us who are now parents (at least those born in the late 70s/early 80s are dropping the ball on raising children who can stand by themselves and can face basic adversity with minimal fuss.

    In the name of making sure our children don’t “suffer the way we suffered”, we are raising children who have been so sheltered that they can’t do basic things like cross the road, organise, carry or even maintain their stuff by themselves, do basic household chores because we consider those things as beneath them.

    Imagine a 15-year-old, almost 6-foot tall boy who can’t get himself to an examination centre less than 2km to the home alone, whose dad had to carry his examination credentials to the door of the exam hall for him all in the name of “he is careless and can lose it”, or a who doesn’t even know how to iron his own shirt cos, “he will burn it”, can’t or doesn’t even know how to polish his own shoes, can’t wash his own underwear well, I can go on and on.

    I agree that knowing how to do all the above doesn’t guarantee success in life or isn’t a measure of success, but that’s part of the reasons we have a lot of lazy, non-productive and entitled young adults who drop out, quit jobs, end relationships, close shop and so on when faced with the slightest challenge with minimum resistance.

    Your 4-5 year old child attempted to climb the stairs of like 3 steps and falls down once then you decide to make it an habit to carry him over every little obstacle, she trips while carrying a bowl of water, then you ban her from doing any chores in the house.

    What you are drilling into the child’s head is that he/she isn’t capable, weak, fragile and should run from any opposition they encounter.

    We are meant to be guides to these divine gifts and not be crutches for them to lean on as they trudge on through life.

    We are supposed to be shoulders they can stand on to see and go far in life and not wheelchairs to wheel them through life.

    No matter how strong, caring, rich, connected and devoted you are, you can’t always be there to defend, fend and assist your child all the days of his/her life.

    As the bible says, `Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.‘ (Proverbs 22:6.).

    We are supposed to be coaches, mentors, guides and role models to our children.

    Have you ever seen a boxing/tennis/football coach enter the fray on behalf of their charge(s)?

    So, teach your children to stand on their own feet, make their own decisions, live by their own convictions, of course you can always, teach, correct, advise, encourage and prompt them from time to time.

    But make sure they a properly grounded and rounded in every area of life not only in their academics, let them learn proper social skills to enable them cope with other people from different backgrounds.

    Teach them the law of cause and effect.

    Teach them boundaries to enable them manage their appetites and avoid covetousness.

    Teach them to respect elders and authority figures.

    Teach them how to manage and take proper care of things, (they can start with their toys!)

    Teach them that adversity, challenges and opposition are a normal part of life (it is how character is built!).

    Teach them that although challenges and problems are going to arise in life, they are however not going to last forever.

    Let them know that that’s how character is trained.

    Above all, let them know God from an early age, teach them the power of faith and confession.

    Model Christ consistently in all you do, the truth is that this current generation learns more by observation than by instruction.

    Let there be conformity between what you say and what you do!

    Don’t say or instruct one thing and do another!

    Today’s children are more intuitive and observant than you can ever imagine!

    The Lord will help us.

    We will succeed as parents and our children will succeed in life in Jesus name.

    Maxwell Oyekunle

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  • Mother Tongue: Are we going to watch it die?

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    Sometimes ago at a conference on ‘Mother Tongue’, held in Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria, a language scholar expressed displeasure at a statement he once heard from someone to a child, and the statement was, “If you speak Yoruba, you will go to hell”.

    One can easily conclude the kind of picture the statement had painted on the mind of that child, knowing fully well the indelible imprints words can leave on children.

    It is not strange to see many parents today raise children, who cannot communicate in their native tongues while their parents can.

    These children could understand the language but cannot speak the same.

    There are also parents who categorically plead with relatives, friends or visitors not to communicate with their children in the native tongue.

    In fact, some homes have this inscription on the door post of their children’s rooms, “Vernacular speaking is prohibited”.

    Is it not shocking that some children have been seriously scolded and in some cases canned just for speaking in their native language?

    A child being scolded by her parent

    This is the trend and disposition of some parents in modern society to the highly cherished, valuable and crucial aspect of human development – language.

    But for the government which made the learning of the mother language compulsory in the curriculum, the major native languages would perhaps have gone into extinction.

    Interestingly, the much-sidelined mother tongue is now the toast of the Western world with some foreigners including Americans enrolling in some Nigerian Universities to study local languages and culture.

    One could vividly recall that the first Nigerian Professor of Education and Nigeria’s Minister of Education between 1990 and 1992, the late Babatunde Fafunwa posited, “The original thinking of a man is in his native tongue”.

    Professor Fafunwa was of the opinion that, primary school children were better off when taught in their indigenous languages, a position revalidated by the United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organisation, UNESCO.

    Suffice to note that several nations of the world including China, Japan, France and Tanzania have adopted one of their nation’s indigenous languages as the national language and adopted it for classroom use.

    Without mincing words, this is real food for thought for parents who are discouraging their children from speaking their mother tongue.

    Discouraging a child from communicating in his native language will not only rob the child of his identity but also deny him the opportunity to enjoy adequate mental coordination, going by the submission of the late Babatunde Fafunwa.

    Such an act is also capable of making a child see his language as inferior to others while he is already restricted in the language of communication.

    Another sad consequence is the disconnect such trend would create between the older and younger generation, for many children now find it hard to communicate with their grandparents.

    Ironically, the grandparents never raised their own children (the supposed parents of the children in question) in that manner.

    The learning process may also be impaired as the child is unconsciously made to struggle cognitively in terms of reasoning, interpreting, speaking and relating with others in the native tongue.

    Out of ignorance, parents who are guilty of this believe making a child communicate regularly in his mother tongue, would deprive him of speaking fluently in the English Language.

    However, the likes of Nobel Laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka, Custodians of Culture and notable authors including the late Professor Wande Abimbola, Akinwumi Isola, Adebayo Faleti, Daniel Orowole Fagunwa, popularly known as D. O Fagunwa, Kola Akinlade, Zulu Sofola, among other highly revered Nigerians have all proven this notion wrong by their mastery of both Yoruba and English Languages as well as their fluency in speaking same.

    Adebayo Faleti, Akinwumi Ishola and Niyi Osofisan at the Osun Grove in 2010
    Daniel Olorunfemi Fagunwa
    Professor Wole Soyinka

    Experts have also blamed the little or no regard for mother tongue as contributory to the decline in moral standard of the society, for character is believed to be rooted in the language of birth.

    This invariably also has an effect on the concept of Omoluabi, a summation of the Yoruba moral code of courage, hard work, humility and respect.  

    If this trend will change, then charity must begin at home.

    It is therefore high time parents, guardians and cultural advocates picked the gauntlet, with particular emphasis on parents to change the narrative by teaching and encouraging their children to communicate in their native tongue, not only at home but outside the home to build confidence in them and ability to interact well with others.

    Parents must make their children realize that their language is not in any way inferior to other languages, but rather a comparative advantage.

    This must be promptly addressed to save the nation’s indigenous languages from going into extinction and prevent a situation where foreigners, who are currently learning the languages, would be the ones to be training real owners in the nearest future.

    Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

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  • Parenting: See the Havoc You are Doing to that Child

    Tony is a brilliant and handsome little boy of about six years old. He is dark in complexion and very skinny. His brilliance radiates among his peers in class.

    However, whenever he does anything wrong, his teacher is always fast to call him,“ You this tiny mosquito, black like charcoal”. This is usually accompanied by a chorus of laughter from his friends. Not too long,

    Tony became withdrawn, and his once shining brilliance began to dim, evident in his academic work.

    One cannot also hurriedly forget the case of the bright and beautiful Wura; light-complexioned and very soft-spoken. Wura is in primary three but hardly relates with other classmates. 

    When her teacher took the time to find out, Wura explained that her parents and siblings always shouted her down whenever she had something to say at home. She told her teacher that she was told a young girl like her had nothing to offer and must always keep shut.

    Delight is equally a lovely, plump and cheerful little girl with a tiny voice. She is in primary two, very friendly, and generous but not too good academically.

     As a result of her poor academic performance, she is often called names such as ‘dullard, fool for nothing, fatty bombom, olodo. Consequently, she became agitated and was always reluctant to go to school. Even the home which should be a source of encouragement equally echoed the sounds heard in school. Her mother once shouted at her and said, “Can you ever amount to anything in life?

    These are just but a few of the experiences of children clubbed by dehumanizing utterances from the lips of parents, teachers, caregivers, relatives and other stakeholders in their lives.

    Subjecting a child to constant verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation and humiliation is what is described as emotional or psychological abuse. 

    When a child is treated this way unchecked, he or she grows up feeling worthless, unloved, lonely or scared.

    As a result, the child begins to withdraw, run away from home, lose self-confidence, becomes agitated, and anxious, develops low self-esteem, inferiority complex, prone to depression, suicidal attempts, and eventual death, if the situation is not remedied.

    This verbal assault can also in the long run deprive the affected child of the opportunity to fulfil his or her destiny because the hero in him would have been silenced.

    Such children might fail to develop basic social and language skills early in life. These signs, experts warn, should not be taken for granted as they may leave a negative impact on the child for the rest of his life.

    Therefore, a child that is suffering from emotional abuse must be well attended to and treated to heal on time.

    If emotional abuse is severe, the safety of the child is first recommended before treatment so that he can move forward in a healthy way.

    A child psychologist may be involved to give the child therapy which would help him or her to trust again.

    The child should also be helped to rediscover himself and develop once again, self-esteem to regain self-confidence.

    Parents and other stakeholders responsible for child care and development should avoid making negative pronouncements upon these God-given treasures, realizing that they owe it a duty to impact positively, pronounce blessings on them and not curses.

    Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

  • ASUU Strike; A Note of Caution for Parents

    It is six months since the Academic Staff Union of Universities, ASUU, commenced strike following an impasse with Federal Government over unfulfilled agreements.
    Consequently, students have borne the brunt of the imbroglio, being out of the academic environment trying to cope with the recurring decimal. 


    For some, it is not a new experience, as they had at one time or the other tasted the bitter pill of extension in the expected year of study in school occasioned by disagreement between academic or non-academic staff and government.

    Truth be told, it is quite a challenging time for these students psychologically, emotionally and academically.  Therefore, as a parent or guardian, this is a passionate plea that you please take it easy with your young adults living with you.


    The current situation that has forced them back home is neither their fault nor yours as parents, though both of you are paying for it when two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.


    Be kind with words towards them, be less judgemental and don’t be too quick to shut them up or throw insults. 
    This stage is hard for a lot of them. Very hard!


    One of the students affected by the current ASUU strike reached out to me and said she was contemplating suicide. 


    One of the things that could easily frustrate a child is for his or her parents to be making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, without even wanting to hear him or her out. Please don’t do this to your children. 


    These young adults are not having it easy. If you have been to any institution of higher learning, you should already know how frustrating strikes can be. 

    A lot of young adults are exasperated. It’s hard trying to find your footing in a world so messed up.
     Please be kind with your words towards your children and your wards.

    Find time to converse with them. Ask them how they are doing, and how life is treating them. Ask them if they need help with anything and help as much as you can.

    Reassure them that things will be fine and make efforts to be there for them. 
    If you used to send them money for upkeep while in school, please as long as you can afford to,  give them something even while they are at home. Every young adult has a need. 
    Don’t make matters worse by unnecessarily picking on them or being unreasonably unbendable.


    It’s sad knowing that a lot of young adults are happier away from home and their parents. It’s really sad. Your home should be a safe haven for your kids and wards, not where they would rather not be. 
    Being unreasonably strict isn’t what will make anyone turn out right. If anything, it only breeds sleek, sneaky humans so please give them a little breathing space too. 


    You will also do well to counsel and engage them positively. You can never tell, this period may just be an eye opener to discover their purpose in life.

    Culled/ Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

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  • Stop Raising an Over-Dependent Generation

    Ignorantly, most parents in present-day society, handle their children in ways that could make them completely dependent on them such that the children would find it difficult to do things or take decisions on their own when they are capable of doing things for themselves.

    Attitude That Makes Children Over Dependent

    1. You cook their food for them so that they can read and enjoy it.

    2. You help them to wash their clothes and tidy their rooms.

    3. You drop them off at school every day by yourself!

    4. You lie on their behalf to get them out of trouble.

    5. You arrange “expo” to help them pass their exams.

    6. You protect them from every danger and difficulty.

    7. You prevent them from any form of pain and suffering.

    8. You hustle around while they watch films and play games.

    9. They can’t go out alone because you’re always scared.

    10. You take every decision for them because you’re wiser.

    11. You go to their schools to fight for them and prove their rights.

    12. You defend them even when they’re wrong and at fault.

    13. You cannot stand seeing them starve or go hungry for once.

    14. You fight against those who try to correct them.

    You probably think you are showing them love but you may be shocked that you are raising an over-dependent generation. The harm is that by the time you’re no longer there and they face real-life challenges, they will become helpless!!! At that stage, they will realize the havoc you have done on them

    Parents need to be careful how they raise their children. Remember, parenting is a divine assignment and so, requires God’s wisdom to be able to succeed in the task of raising responsible children.

        .                                            WISDOM TIPS

    1. Give your children age-appropriate domestic tasks, even if you have a thousand and one domestic servants at home. It is sheer ignorance to think that doing everything for your children is a mark of honour or a way of bequeathing royalty on them.

    2. Teach them to be useful and make their impact felt positively wherever they are found starting from the home, in school, places of worship, or other places.

    3. Encourage your children to always leave a good impression wherever they go; teach them to be courteous, respectful, friendly, cheerful and helpful.

    4. Teach them good toilet manners – they must know how to keep the toilet neat for the next user, and let them know that it is unacceptable to leave the bathroom floor or walls messed with soap, foam, or any form of dirt after bathing.

    5. Teach your children the importance of taking good care of their body and their environment; whether they are at home or elsewhere. Remind them that responsible people don’t leave their rooms unkempt or their bed unmade when they get up in the morning; teach them to take their bath very well and smell fine always. you; let them take care of their armpits, teeth, hair and nails.

    6. Teach your children to manage their used clothes and other personal belongings very well, whether in their home or elsewhere. It can be irritating to have dirty clothes or shoes, especially those of a visitor litter every corner of the house.

    7. Let them pack their toiletries before leaving home. Your children should not depend on their hosts for their basic toiletries such as soap, cream, tooth paste and other essentials.

    8. Teach your children to dress well all the time, especially when they are spending time with another family. You probably allow your daughters to dress in bum shots and your sons to walk about with their chest bare in your home, but they may not be safe if they do so in another place. You may not know where a predator would lie in wait for a child.

    9. Teach them good table manners; not the ones recited in nursery schools rhymes. Teach them to chew with their mouth covered, not to make noise with the cutlery on their teeth, not to talk with their mouth full, etc.

    10. Let your children know that washing only their own plates after eating is not a noble idea.

    11. Remind your children that jumping into a conversation when adults are talking is a sign of being ill-mannered. Discourage this both in your home and elsewhere and do not hesitate to scold them for any act of misbehaviour.

    12. Help your children not to be social birds online and anti-social bugs offline. They should relate well with people around them, much more than they do with virtual folks they meet online. Please, discourage this idea of young people locking themselves in the room for hours on end without communicating with anyone in the house – all because they are on phone.

    13. Empower your children to uphold your family values wherever they are. But before then, make sure that your family values are credible, empowering, socially and morally beneficial.

    14. Teach your children to control their appetite and learn to turn down certain offers, even when such offers come from people they know. And at home, it is not compulsory that they must taste everything they see someone eating. This will help them to take their eyes away from certain things when they are in other people’s homes.

    15. Always remind your children that they are the window through which the world sees you. If your children’s behavior outside is bad, the general consensus is that they lack home training. And since children are not meant to give themselves home training, it means that you failed as a parent.

    16. Finally, make sure your children know God. Salvation is not hereditary; that you are Godly or highly spiritual is not a guarantee that your children are saved. You must consciously and deliberately lead them to God.

    Let us try our best to make sure these children represent us well. I am sure you will feel good if you come to your children’s school and people are pointing at you as the parent of the best-behaved child in the school. Won’t you?

    Make sure your hosts and the hosts of your children are always impressed to have you or your children around.

    May God, The Almighty make our children responsible and successful, Amen!

    Culled

  • Your Child Needs Your Attention

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    That parenting is a huge task today, especially with emerging trends in modern society, is undeniable.

    Is it the unbecoming attitude of many young people or prevailing social vices manifesting in different and unsuspecting forms? 

    Gone were the days when misbehaviour was only found among adolescents and youths because at that stage of their lives, they have some more awareness about themselves and as a result, some begin to see themselves as knowing better than their parents.

    This is usually accompanied by the urge for freedom, exploration and adventure.

    Of greater concern is the subtle penetration of this social menace into the camp of children, with primary school children now committing many atrocities.

    There was the case of a little boy in primary one who, during an exam had written on his lap, answers to likely questions.

    A video also went viral of two toddlers who were romancing themselves behind the school building.

    Not even the school authority knew except a perceived neighbour whose house was close to the school from where the act was recorded.

    These are just a few out of many issues of growing concerns among children today and the truth is, these children would grow up to be adults someday.

    Without mincing words, a lot is happening in contemporary society and children are seeing events as they unfold by the day.

    The weight of these unwholesome behaviours already constitutes so much pressure on some children.

    While some are battling with the psychological effect of these experiences, trying to surmount it could not match the sane atmosphere they have been raised in their homes; others are already losing their guards and bowing to the pressures.

    Sincerely, parents cannot fold their arms and watch till things deteriorate right before them.

    The hearts of these children are beating so high with things they can explain and things they cannot, things they understand and those they don’t. 

    This is the more reason parents, guardians and even caregivers should give room for these God-given treasures to open up their minds and pour out the content to safe containers and not unsuspecting vampires who disguise as friends, neighbours and uncles but with ulterior motives.

    As a parent, never shut your child up or shout him or her down when he/she is about to tell you something.

    No matter how uninteresting he may sound, give him/her that listening ear and follow everything he says, giving them good thought.

    Such enhances the bond between a child and the parents.

    However, a child whose thoughts are waved on different occasions may begin to look out for whom to talk to, thus making the child vulnerable to those who would take advantage of him or her.

    Gone were the days when the saying “What does a child know” is found to be true.

    Today, a child sees, hears and knows a lot.

    Do not underestimate that child!

  • An Abusive Husband Is A Wrongly Raised Son!

    By Betty Anyanwu-Akeredolu (Wife of Ondo State Governor)

    Your 3-year-old son gets angry whenever you give him a food he doesn’t want and throws it on you, you laugh and say “ children ehh”.

    Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him… All you’d say is “you’re beating mummy“.

    No other child in that area messes with him… And you’re calling him “A no- nonsense boy”.

    He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he’s stopped from doing something… You smile and call him “action boy“

    You expose him to all manner of violence and say “He’s a man, man suppose get mind”.

    Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him. You call him “man of the house”.

    He grew up having his way all through.

    Now he’s a full grown man in the society.

    And it’s not funny anymore.

    Abusive husbands didn’t fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

    It’s easier to train a son than to correct a husband.

    We could address a lot from the root.

  • How close are you to your child? Part 1

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    With the understanding given last week that, “Parenting is a divine assignment”, comes along with it the question; “Do you know your child or that child in your custody?”

    Knowing your child is seeing him/her beyond the surface which basically shows resemblance, complexion, height, stature, looks and the likes. 

    It talks about understanding him/her, the ability to relate well as father/mother to child, sometimes like friends, being able to decipher when things are going wrong or well, sharing his thoughts, having a sound and robust communication on issues pertaining to his life and other areas of life as well.

    Do you know the friends or association he/she keeps?

    Oh, I can perceive someone asking, “Will I be monitoring him/her all around to know all these?

    Well, we are still coming to that.

    The story of a little boy readily comes to mind.

    During class on a certain day, the class teacher asked the students to write what they would have loved to be if they were to be an object. 

    Lo and behold, as the teacher was going through their responses, she came across the paper of that boy and on it was the answer, “I would love to be a mobile phone because my mother is closer to her phone than me”.

    It was a response that got the teacher thinking.

    The rest is history.

    The message here is that, beyond the provision of all the basic needs for the children, parents need to realise that these children too have emotions, a lot go on within them, and they have pains, hurts and cheerful moments.

    They are built with exceptional skills and unique abilities which they want to exhibit.

    They just need someone who can give them a push, a backing, an encouragement, and a check, where necessary.

    However, it only takes a parent, guardian, caregiver that would give his or her child/children quality time and attention to know all these. 

    In addition, a very comfortable, welcoming and very friendly atmosphere must be provided to draw your child closer to you because children are very, very, sensitive to their environment and the truth is, children like adults too tend to unburden their heart to whoever cares to really listen.

    If only parents could take time and reflect, allowing the leading of God who committed that child into your hands, they would begin to realize how much havoc is being done by so many things they take for granted.

    When you create a servant-boss relationship with your child, you are building a chasm and not a bridge.

    When you don’t allow your child to air his/her views, making whatever you say sacrosanct, you’re already creating a gap.

    Yes, there are times you must stand your grounds but you must also give room for him/her to express his/her own views.

    When everything is “Igbárùn, Ifọ́tí, Igbátí, Àlùbolẹ̀” all the time, i.e. slapping, flogging, a child will become sore afraid of that parent than the normal.

    What a child needs is love and an always ready listening ear.

    When you chastise, it must also be in love to enable the child to understand that it is for his own good.

    If there is any key that opens the door of the heart, it is true love and that is what your child needs too so that you don’t begin to see him as a stranger.

    We’ll continue from here next week, God’s willing.

    Got questions, or comments?

    Reach out to the author via 08055833311.

  • Parenting: A Divine Assignment

    By Olaitan Oye-Adeitan

    More often than not, many parents, guardians, caregivers, teachers and society do not see the child/children in their custody as a special assignment given to them by God.

    To many couples, being blessed with the fruit of the womb is considered a common thing that should happen in marriage.

    No doubt children are God’s blessings to families, bearing and having children in one’s custody goes beyond just the usual perception and general belief.

    Children as the Bible says are the “Heritage of the Lord”, Psalm 127:3.

    So, that child in your care belongs to God, the Almighty.

    God has only decided to put him/her in your care to nurture for His glory.

    Perhaps, we should pause here and see that, for God to place what belongs to Him in the care of mere mortals is such a great honour and privilege that could only come from God alone.

    Therefore, whether you a the biological parent, foster parent, guardian or caregiver, that child in your hands is not just an ordinary thing, an accident or mistake but a divine and sacred assignment committed into your hands by God, the OWNER.

    A little girl being scolded by her parent.

    It behoves every parent to handle this divine task with all dedication and reverence to the Giver of that duty.

    Just as God called Adam to keep the Garden of Eden, you are expected to nurture, tenderly feed, clothe, train and guide these children in accordance with the leading of the Holy Spirit to enable them to fulfil the purpose for which He has brought them to the world and not for selfish reasons.

    Unfortunately, some parents are ignorant of this truth and claim so much ownership of these children that they go to the extent of imposing on them, course of study, career, choice of partner, where to live, among other things.

    Unknown to such parents, they would only succeed in building a child for their pleasure and not God’s.

    By so doing, the child would have been led away from His original purpose while fulfilling destiny may become a mirage. 

    This is one of the reasons many young people have lost focus in life while there is a lack of fulfilment which may result in so much struggle and frustration.

    See what Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

    This establishes the fact that God has full control of the life of every child and determines their destiny.

    No parent would ever be happy seeing his/her child maltreated, abused or subjected to any form of violent treatment.

    Whoever mishandles any child grieves the heart of God.

    For effective and successful parenting, realize this truth that no parent can achieve this on his own strength or wisdom.

    You need to draw from the One who gave you that precious gift.

    Join me next week for more.

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